4/25
I’ve been playing Pancho & Lefty on my guitar ever since you left town a few weeks ago. Everyday, I finger pick and sing my way through the Townes Van Zandt ballad, and everyday my voice cracks when I say “mother’s only son,” or “federales,” or “needs your prayers.” My girlfriend told me to try and play it a half step lower, maybe then I’ll have an easier go at it.
I agreed with her advice, and told her to sit on my bed with Cecelia while I played the first 8 measures of Better Be Quiet Now. Weird jazz chords in one part, and classic cowboy chords in the other, coming together to form another quiet and strong ballad. Maybe those are the songs that I’m drawn to.
I drove around with my windows down, with you in the passenger seat, listening to the new Lorde single that sounds like a 2016 house remix of an older, less palatable song. It is finally spring in the city, when everything comes to life.
I see rats crossing the street at night, bunnies in the morning, and old men jay-walking at 6pm. The three worry me in different ways; I hope the rats don’t make it into my house, I hope the bunnies don’t get hit by a car, and I hope the old men make it home in time for dinner. Red lights are everywhere in the springtime, too. They add an extra few on every street, because when the weather is moderate, it is harder to be frustrated, but easier to hit animals, since you are so busy admiring the sun and the flowers. The extra stoplights save the lives of the bunnies that cross the street. It is now commonplace for the spring to signify absurdly heavy traffic.
As a result, many people have taken to walking around the city. I like to sit on my private porch and watch these people, who I otherwise wouldn’t get a good look at in their cars, or when I’m driving on the same road as them. I sit, with my headphones in, listening to The White Album, and pretend to squish all the people that are walking with my index and thumb fingers. They can’t see me, so it is all fun and games. Besides, if they did, it would just look like I’m playing with the sunlight.
I was about to pretend-squish someone when I’m So Tired came on, and I had to close my eyes. It’s a ritual of mine, to close my eyes when I’m So Tired starts to play. I feel most connected to the music that way, and it's a bit of a practical joke as well. When the song finished, I realized I was bored with watching people walk on my street, so I went inside to play guitar.
My girlfriend was sitting on the couch. She told me that I forgot to show up for our date that we planned. I told her that the date already happened, and she knows that this is my outside patio time, so I would never double book myself. She was upset and did not believe me.
I poured myself a glass of orange juice to calm down. In the corner of my kitchen, a pile of sneakers with a few rat-sized bites. I had to wipe the orange juice from the corner of my lips and rub my eyes to get another look. The only explanation for this - there are rats in my house.
